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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27141724">Trust Falls and Tears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMal/pseuds/AgentMal'>AgentMal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BDSM, HYDRA Trash Party, M/M, Recovery</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:14:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>723</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27141724</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMal/pseuds/AgentMal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve helps Bucky process some of the things he went through as a trash party favor.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Dacryphilia Dog Days -</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Trust Falls and Tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you sure, Bucky? There's no need to push it, to rush--"</p><p>"For the last time, I'm sure. I need this, and I can handle it. Either you trust me at my word now, or you don't."</p><p>At that Steve was chastened. He took a breath, then looked into his partner's eyes, entirely serious.</p><p>"I trust you, Buck."</p><p>Bucky looked just as gravely back, "Good."</p><p>His expression unwavering, he started taking off his clothes.</p><p>Steve sighed and went to the table where the weapons were laid out, swallowing back the distaste in his mouth. They'd done things like this before: impact play, role play, helping Bucky scratch some itch in processing what he'd been through by exploring some part of it. It was nothing new for them. But never with this particular script, and never with actual HYDRA gear. Steve could handle this, handle doing this, he was just concerned for Bucky. But Bucky was right- it was his job to know himself, and Steve's job to trust him. Buck could tap out anytime, and it was Steve's job to trust that he would.</p><p>-:-</p><p>Bucky was naked, covered in bruises overlaid in spunk, most of which was his own, wrecked, cowering and crying in the corner. Steve was out of breath, looking down at him from where he stood across the room, almost entirely still dressed in the tac gear. </p><p>It had ended up being harder for Steve than Bucky, when all was said and done. Bucky was just along for the ride, and had demonstrated his enthusiasm for it in spare moments of breaking scene to encourage Steve on, to check that <em>Steve</em> was doing okay.  </p><p>Meanwhile Steve was the one who had to say, to do...</p><p>And it was the words that were the hardest. He had known what Bucky had gone through, in detail, but it was one thing to know what had been done and said to him, and another to say it, and try to say it like you meant it.</p><p>But he had no regrets. He had only wanted to be true to the moment, for Bucky, and he was proud of himself that he had been. And when he had gotten off he was surprised to find it wasn't because he was tapping into whatever character he was playing, it was because of the trust he and Bucky were sharing in doing something so intense together. In being willing to be so vulnerable with each other. He looked down at Bucky and had never felt more connected, more affirmed in their love for each other. And that's when he snapped off his helmet and cast it aside, stripping off his gloves, and went to Bucky, dismissing the scene, over now, for good as he went to Bucky as himself and drew him in for a hug.</p><p>"Hey, there," Steve said, gently, brushing a tear from Bucky's cheek. Bucky smiled, laughing breathily, more tears spilling down his face. </p><p>"Hey, yourself," Bucky said.</p><p>Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to Steve's, just as intense for as sweet as it was, and continued through his tears, "I love ya, you big dope."</p><p>"That's better. I like making you cry with happiness more than making you cry the way they did."</p><p>"Making me cry <em>accessing a memory</em> of the way they did. Total difference." </p><p>Steve kissed his forehead. Bucky nestled his head under Steve's chin. </p><p>"You got me?" Bucky asked, after a long and beautiful moment of silence.</p><p>"I got you," Steve replied.</p><p>"You caught me," Bucky corrected.</p><p>Steve knew Bucky was referring to how doing a scene like that was like a trust fall, and he was affirming Steve did well, but it still irrationally sparked tears in Steve's own eyes. He looked up, trying to get a hold of himself, geeze. </p><p>"I leaned back and fell, and you were there to catch me."</p><p>Steve was not going to lose it, he was going to hold his lover and be calm and steady for him.</p><p>"I reached out when I was unsteady, and you caught me and brought me to solid ground."</p><p>And now Steve knew Bucky knew what he was doing, that he knew where Steve's mind had gone. </p><p>He buried his face in Bucky's hair and let himself cry, and Bucky held him right back.</p>
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